Supreme Court To Decide Who Actually Shot Bin Laden
by Hugh Jashol
October 13, 2019
It finally happened. The Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments in the controversy over “Who Shot Bin Laden.” The debate has exploded in recent years.
“With the SEAL book market now completely saturated, the only way to move product is to either exaggerate our own stories, or take credit for someone else’s,” explained Petty Officer Fourth Class Sam Sheppard (no relation to the actor), a 13-year veteran of the Teams.
The American people deserve to know who Bin Laden’s killer was, whether it’s Rob O’Neill, Matt Bissonnette, or Rob Riggle…or that one SEAL who hasn’t written a tell-all book.
“This has to get done now,” explained an anonymous Navy SEAL Lieutenant Commander. “If we wait until another liberal judge is added to the Supreme Court, no one will ever be able to claim credit for the Bin Laden raid. Tens of millions of dollars of book deals, product endorsements, and are on the line!”
Article 107 News will provide updates as the case develops.
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Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.