U.S. Army Perplexed About The Fuss Over #Brexit: “We Did It First”
by Hugh Jashol
September 6, 2019
While news of the the UK referendum to leave the European Union roils stock markets and world politics, the US Army is wondering what the fuss is all about.
Known as the #Brexit, the vote to sever the UK from the EU has most of the world as worried as they were back when the “Y2K bug” was still a thing. Yet, there is something… comfortably familiar about #Brexit for most American veterans.
“Bro, we #Brexit’ed back in like 1775,” said Specialist Stanley Klinghofer, 21, who by virtue of his University of Phoenix Online associate’s degree is his platoon’s expert on both history and world politics. “So what’s the big deal?”
We caught up with SPC Klinghofer after the New York City premier of the movie Range 15. After a few shots of Leadslingers Whiskey, he was fully primed to talk international politics.
“Look, everyone is always talking about guns and health care and are all like ‘America, why can’t you be more like Europe?’” Klinghofer said. “But now look at that, Europe is trying to be all #America. Again.”
“America: the world’s first democracy, the first in the world to do a #Brexit. We did it before, we’ll do it again. We veterans aren’t afraid of ANYTHING,” he added, before going out to his front yard to post a “combat veteran lives here, please be courteous with fireworks” sign in preparation for the Fourth of July.
This article appeared in Art 107 News 24 Jun 2016.
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Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.