NYT Wins Pulitzer Prize for Objective Reporting, Declares Bankruptcy Next Day
by Maxwell Paddington
May 4, 2020
NEW YORK, NY — Yesterday, The New York Times was awarded The Pulitzer Prize for “The most disinterested and meritorious public service rendered by any American newspaper during the year.” In January 2019, NYT publisher, A. G. Sulzberger, weary of polarizing, sensationalist and partisan reporting directed a shift towards “objective, informative journalism” based on facts and journalistic professional judgement rather than emotionally charged personal opinions.
Throughout 2019, Sulzberger successfully eliminated emotionally loaded language in their headlines such as “Trump Again Falsely Blames Democrats for His Separation Tactic” and “A Financier’s Profit-Minded Mission to Open a Channel Between Kushner and North Korea”. NYT went on to set a new industry standard in fair and accurate reporting, while also effectively managing bias.
For the first time in recent memory, the media juggernaut became a flagship for MSM, empowering its readers through providing citizens with the information they need to make the best possible decisions about their lives, their communities, their societies, and their governments.
However, NYT’s year-long crusade to place the public good above all else while using disciplined methods of verification to gather, assess and deliver information resulted in plummeting sales, forcing the 169-year-old newspaper to declare bankruptcy this morning.
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Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.