Caitlin Jenner To Enlist With “Option 40” Contract, Will Be First Female In Ranger Regiment
by Hugh Jashol
Former Olympian and former man Caitlin Jenner made news again over the weekend by enlisting in the US Army’s elite 75th Ranger Regiment. The 66 year old had to get an age waiver to enlist, but had no problem passing the physical fitness standards. “Are you kidding me?” she said in an exclusive interview with Art107News. “Have you SEEN the Army’s female PT (physical training) standards? They’re a joke, particularly at my age. Besides, I won ‘woman of the year’ without even, you know, even being a woman, so being the first woman in Ranger Regiment seems like the next logical step.”
While it might be difficult for the majority of Americans to understand why a pampered celebrity would suddenly want to join the Army and face a life of danger, Jenner explained that it was an easy decision. “It’s just the right thing to do. The millennial generation clearly has no interest in serving in the military, so it’s up to me to set the example. The message I want to send to America is, you’re never too old, or too cisgender, to make major life changes.”
When asked about Kristen Greist and Shaye Haver, the first two women to graduate from Ranger School, Jenner minced no words. “That’s great and all, but I won decathlon in the Olympics, so Ranger School is going to be a literal walk in the park. Besides, those two only graduated from Ranger School, I’m going to the Ranger Regiment. That’s two completely different things. The tab is just a school, but the scroll is a WAY OF LIFE. It’s an alternative to the ordinary life in the Army. And if I know about anything, it’s alternative lifestyles. I’m sure I’ll fit right in.”
Jenner enlisted with an “Option 40” contract, which means she will go straight into the Ranger Regiment. Because of her age, her college experience, and her political wasta, she will receive a direct appointment as a captain upon completing basic training and will be assigned as a Ranger company commander. “There is a long history of transgendered women in the Special Operations community,” she explained, “This is just the Ranger Regiment catching up to the rest of the SpecOps community.”
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