Coronavirus Traced to Beer, Pizza and “Special” Garlic Dipping Sauce from Wuhan China
by Untactic Al
March 16, 2020
Unless you are living in a cave at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, or are younger than three years old, you know that Coronavirus originated in China. Well that’s what they are telling you anyway. The truth is way more sinister and insidious.
My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw a college kid at USC Medical take some Petri dishes from the infectious diseases’ lab.
Some other people were at the frat house when he arrived where a large party was already underway. And, as is typical for a frat party, there were copious amounts of beer and pizza.
As the party progressed our USC student was heard to say, “I’m sick of Boomers! They have destroyed the planet, don’t treat me with respect, and are using up all the Social Security! I’m going to teach them a lesson! A Corona and pizza lesson!”
Apparently our USC student is a Call of Duty battle rival with a college kid in Wuhan China and he decided to give him a “taste” of American frat life and FedEx’ed him, yep you guessed it, pizza, Corona and a “special” garlic dipping sauce that arrived in Petri dishes.
Unfortunately Skippy wasn’t smart enough (due to the No Child Left Behind program) to realize that his grandparents, who just happen to be funding his college degree, are Boomers.
The one positive thing in his life is that he’s dating Greta Thunberg.
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Prior to joining the Article 107 News Team, Untactic Al had a controversial and checkered 36-year career in the United States Air Force. He recently received his DD-214 blankie. The fact that he made it as far as he did merely illustrates the incompetence of his leadership.
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
