by Maxwell Paddington
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Thousands of Americans rushed the Capitol Building yesterday to enthusiastically claim their $600 stimulus checks. The influx of grateful Americans was so overwhelming that normal business operations were temporarily halted.
“Things did get out of hand for a while,” remarked one lawmaker. “But all of the checks were handed out by 6 pm, and the crowds promptly dispersed.”
Normal business operations resumed this morning.
An Article 107 News Publication
The best place to get the facts before they happen!
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.