by Maxwell Paddington
BETHESDA, MD. — Doctors treating President Trump at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center have ordered a nation-wide cleanse of MSM to help speed the nation’s recovery.
According to Dr. B. A. Pepper, “The constant vitriol and diatribe pumped out by MSM have caused sepsis to set into the country. Sepsis occurs when a local infection triggers a potentially fatal chain reaction throughout your body.“
President Trump’s medical team said the infection was caught early enough for a full recovery with aggressive treatment. Dr. Pepper added: “The American Medical Association recognizes MSM’s active role in purposefully creating dissent, sewing division and inflaming tensions for financial and political gains–and recommends severely reducing, if not eliminating, MSM contact. Prolonged exposure is toxic.”
Medical researchers have also linked MSM to Trump Derangement Syndrome and other maladies.
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An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
