The Fighter Pilot’s Valentine Day Gift Guide
by Hugh Jashol
February 13, 2019
FIGHTERTOWN, USA – Surprise and impress your significant other this Valentine’s Day with these Sierra Hotel gift recommendations from F-15C pilot Teddy “MIDNIGHT” Makers. Consider this your definitive TTP for all things needed this February.
1) Breitling Exospace B55 Connected:
Topping this year’s list is Breitling’s latest addition to their professional line – the Exospace B55 connected. In addition to looking great, this badboy pairs with your iPhone or Samsung Galaxy S6, delivering notifications straight to your wrist. You already love staring at your watch, now you have another excuse to admire its amazing beauty. Your significant other will be overjoyed to drop $4,500 to help you maintain your edge, after all, your Breitling Chronomat 44 is so last year. One glance and you’re locked on.
2) Ray Ban Aviator Sunglasses:
A classic for the ages. Nothing demonstrates your iconic fighter pilot status better than these sunglasses. Maverick wore ‘em 30 years ago and these glasses look as good on you as they did on him. You’ll be writing checks that your ego can cash.
3) Remove Before Flight Underwear:
You know the drill – the walk around the jet, the smell of JP-8 in the cool morning air – it’s preflight time. You’re pulling pins, removing covers, checking gauges, running your hands over the fuselage. Bring the excitement of the flightline to the bedline. Your significant other will be having the time of their life pulling these red remove before flight underwear off your hot body. Advance your throttle to MILPOWER.
4) Sexy Flight Suit:
Everybody knows you look great in your flight suit. Now is the time for your girl to look great in hers. Very few things are more exhilarating than zipping up the green bag. Now she gets to experience the same rush that fighter pilots have known for decades. The only problem you’ll have is getting her to take it off, but then again, why should she. She looks great, but not as great as you!
There is nothing sexier, aside from you of course, than the Eagle! This is a 60 x 20 inch black and white full frontal rendition of the greatest aircraft ever made. It will look great in your living room, your office, above your bed, anywhere, everywhere. Those family photos? Push them to side. This bird is MIN fuel and looking for a place to land. Your wall is the best option going and its time to call it a day.
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
Now excuse us while we run out to buy all the Valentine’s Day crap we put off until the last minute.
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Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.