by Maxwell Paddington
FORT JACKSON, SC — The U.S. Army will commission its first woke Chaplain (CH) this week. CH (Capt.) Pat Smith; who is also the Army’s first “non-denominational minority”, non-binary, officer.
“The Woke faith fosters inclusivity through defining people by race, gender and sexual orientation,” explained Chaplain (Capt) Smith, “and then ensuring those most disadvantaged receive the best professional, economic and faith-based advantages.”
According to the tenets of Wokism, there is a complex sliding scale of oppression, based on an ever-changing combination of race, gender and sexual orientation, which assigns a “systemic oppression score” (SOC) that determines one’s place within the hierarchy.
“The higher the SOC, the less responsible a person is for their conduct, actions or measured outcomes based on merit,” explained Smith. “And the more important it is they be placed in positions of power and influence to affect change.”
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An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
