Army’s New “AIM 3.0” Assignment Process Only has Options for Ft. Polk and Ft. Bliss
By John Chandler
March 23, 2020
FORT KNOX, KY – Leaders from the Army’s Talent Management Task Force and Human Resources Command announced an improved job assignment program based on an exhaustive analysis of the results and feedback from the most recent AIM 2.0 marketplace.
“The new AIM 3.0 marketplace provides Soldiers more realistic expectations of their actual assignment by only allowing them to choose between units on Fort Bliss and Fort Polk” said COL H.R. McMaster (no relation). “We realized that we inadvertently gave 900 center of mass Captains hope when we added the one Zurich, Switzerland slot to the marketplace. That’s been rectified in the new system.”
AIM 2.0 experienced significant latency issues caused by HRC not realizing that all of the Soldiers involved in the marketplace would actually want to log in and use the system, but AIM 3.0 will rectify that issue by using a simpler graphic interface and including the time penalty in the instruction process.
“Users of AIM 3.0 will have a choice between sand brown square for Ft. Bliss and a blackish green square for Ft. Polk. Once the user clicks on his or her preferred square, a dialogue box will pop up instructing the user to remain on the screen watching the spinning blue circle for up to 30 minutes” continued McMaster. “The issue across the board with AIM 2.0 was expectation management, and we believe that by eliminating hope and being clear about the inefficiencies in the system we can eliminate that problem. This should also reduce the volume of calls to HRC during the slating period. If you give people hope, they have something to complain to their branch manager about when they’re inevitably disappointed. We’re working diligently to fix that.”
Initial feedback on the new system has been mixed, with some Soldiers appreciating the transparency in the new system and others disappointed with the sudden need to be honest with themselves. “I thought, after paying my dues as an Assistant S3 for 3 years, that the Army would reward me with a cool guy job. After all, every OER I have says I’m Highly Qualified,” said CPT Roscoe Merriweather. “But having to sit there and watch the spinning blue wheel for half an hour made me realize that maybe all the Army would ever have for me was Ft. Bliss or Ft. Polk and maybe there’s a job out there where no one will ever yell at me about font sizes again.”
The Army’s new talent management effort has met with universal acclaim from one particular demographic: talent scouts in corporate America. “We launched our junior military officer recruitment program when combat operations in Afghanistan officially ended, and it’s given us great success,” said Ms. Emma Steed VP of Recruiting at Accenture (https://www.accenture.com/us-en/blogs/blog-accenture-launches-junior-military-officer-program it’s a real program). “We knew that we could recruit talented Soldiers out of the military when they realized the war was winding down and their options were a desert or a swamp. We were worried when AIM 2.0 promised Soldiers more control over their careers, but we’re confident that numbers will rebound now that the Army is being honest about what it has to offer.
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An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
