COVID-19 Found in Semen: CDC Recommends Couples Maintain Minimum 6-inches of Social Distancing
by Maxwell Paddington
ATLANTA, GA (CDC Headquarters) — A study from China shows COVID-19 viral particles found in the semen of some infected men, raising the possibility that the virus might be sexually transmitted. While further research is being conducted, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released new guidelines recommending couples practice social distancing of at least 6 inches at all times until more is known.
This is expected to result in further protests across the country. However, with the vacancies created by releasing prisoners due to COVID-19, authorities are confident there is adequate space to accommodate the spike in arrests for those not in compliance of the new social distancing guidelines.
Don’t worry, if we get arrested, with any luck we’ll get COVID and they’ll let us out.
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An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
