DoD’s “4H Doctrine” Disrupts Insurgent Operations: Several Sheep Recommended for Purple Heart
by Untactic Al
Jan 10, 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Insurgent operations came to a screeching halt last week thanks to a novel plan devised by the son of an Air Force Master Sergeant, who came by the idea from his membership in 4H. Approximately 10,000 goats and sheep were donated to the DoD by 4H members. The animals were shipped to major Air Mobility Command bases and loaded on C-130s, C-17s and C-5s and flown to unspecified drop zones throughout the Middle East. Loadmasters fitted each animal with a static line type parachute, and once over the drop zones the cargo doors were opened and the crews pitched the aircraft up at a steep angle. The animals simply slipped out with the static lines opening the parachutes.
Unfortunately most of the animals loaded on C-5s died enroute due to continual aircraft breakdowns, perishing due to dehydration.
The successfully dropped weaponized livestock landed on target in major insurgent encampments where the enemy immediately accosted the animals, thus redirecting effort and manpower from combat operations to romance. The Code name given to the operation was “January Valentines”.
The true casualties of this operation were the sheep and goats who gave their all for the defense of their country. Each has been recommended for a Purple Heart.
Prior to joining the Article 107 News Team, Untactic Al had a controversial and checkered 36-year career in the United States Air Force. He recently received his DD-214 blankie. The fact that he made it as far as he did merely illustrates the incompetence of his leadership.
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An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
