by Hugh Jashol
This article first appeared in Article 107 News January 17, 2016.
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hollywood bad boy and all-around bad person Sean Penn was honored in special ceremony on Friday for his assistance in helping capture Mexican drug lord “El Chapo.”
Penn, a pampered ultra-liberal long hated for his anti-American sentiment and collusion with dictators, criminals, and enemies of America, received “Informant of the Year” recognition by the FBI.
During the award speech, FBI director James Comey explained this shocking turn of events. “All this time, the world thought that Sean Penn was just another no-talent, pretentious attention-whoring Hollywood assclown. But the whole time, he was OUR no-talent, pretentious attention-whoring Hollywood assclown. We absolutely would not have captured El Chapo without Sean Penn’s meddling, and the whole world knows it. It is my pleasure to tell everyone how happy we are with this outcome, and we’re sure there will be no negative repercussions for Agent Penn.”
Penn has since inexplicably gone into hiding and was unavailable to comment on this story.
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
