by Maxwell Paddington
As diplomatic efforts in Eastern Europe continued on Friday, the Pentagon cautioned that Russia was sending more of its troops to the Ukrainian border. President Biden emphasized his readiness to “respond decisively” in the case of an invasion.
“We’re prepared to deploy anchors from across the mainstream media,” said Biden. “Fear and outrage will fuel Europe instead of Russian oil and gas–fomenting civil unrest in Russia through profit-driven, divisive media pieces.”
Pentagon spokesperson General Malaise added, “There are more than 120 ethnic group targets living within Russia’s borders. Should Putin invade Ukraine, CNN, FOX News, and MSNBC are poised to establish field offices throughout Russia and begin destabilizing operations.”
An Article 107 News Publication
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
