WARNING: Far Right Groups Mass-Producing “FlintGlocks” for Virginia’s “Gun-Free” 2nd Amendment Boogaloo on MLK Day
by Hugh Jashol
Far-right extremists from across the country and around the world are looking to get a head start on the Boogaloo at the Virginia Capitol Square this weekend. However, their plans to protest in support of their gun rights ran into a snag when Governor Ralph Northam decided to set up a “First Amendment zone” made out of chain link fencing to surround and contain the protesters. This is despite the “freedom zone’s” similarity to the border cages liberals always seem to be complaining about, only this time holding U.S. citizens instead of illegal aliens.
At any rate, Governor “Black Face / KKK picture” Northam is now so afraid of his own constituents that he felt the need to restrict the rights of Virginia’s citizens by banning firearms on the State Capitol grounds. Don’t worry though, there will be plenty of government agents with guns at the rally, and I’m sure that Antifa and other fringe hate groups won’t show up armed, to attack and harass people who are simply exercising their rights in public.
In light of the potential dangers and in spite of weapons ban, some individuals planning to attend the protest have come up with an an ingenious solution: the FlintGlock(tm).
The FlintGlock(tm) combines the raw mass-destructive power of modern firearms with the timeless elegance of Revolutionary War-era flintlock pistols. And, given that it’s based on the popular Glock frame, it is ultimately customizable to suit every firearm enthusiast’s need. The “Electric Bugaloo” model of the FlintGlock(tm) is chambered in 17.76mm and can be fitted with a bump stock, which enables it to fire in full semi-automatic mode and will transform it into an untraceable “ghost gun” capable of firing dozens of clips a second… just like our country’s Founders intended. It’s even California-compliant.
We caught up with one Virginia gun enthusiast who agreed to show us his FlintGlock(tm), on the condition that we protect his name from “the alphabet bois.” For purposes of this article, we’ll call him Bob.
“Technically, this simple, drop-in modification makes my Glock 22 a “curio or relic” under Virginia law,” Bob explained, “which means I can carry this thing wherever I want. I can even take it on an airplane… as long as I’m flying to another (pro-Second Amendment) state.”
There’s no telling how many Second Amendment supporters will be sporting their FlintGlocks(tm) at tomorrow’s rally on the Virginia Capitol Square. But one thing’s for certain: even one will be too much FREEEEDOMMMM for Governor Northam.
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does, especially people who don’t know anything about guns or politics but who still think the “far Right” is really doing something like this. You should also mock all of the self-appointed Internet gun experts who react to the photo and headline, and don’t read this article to realize we know that a “flintglock” or “full semi-auto” aren’t real things.
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