Biden Chooses V.P. “Formerly Known as Bruce” after Tanning Injections by Maxwell Paddington
April 28, 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, Joe Biden announced Caitlyn Jenner as his running mate following Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s endorsement earlier this week. Biden made it clear, he would have chosen Michelle Obama “in a heart beat“, however the former First Lady declined.
This prompted Jenner’s VP selection, who was born a white man, however after gender reassignment surgery in 2015 identifies as a woman. Jenner recently announced she also identifies as black after tanning injections changed her skin color.
Biden stated he did consider Stacey Abrams but she “wasn’t quite diverse enough,” and added: “I believe Caitlyn Jenner is now the most qualified person to be Vice President of the United States.”
Michigan’s governor, Gretchen Whitmer and V.P. hopeful, tried tanning the old-fashioned way and lost. “Too little…too late,” said Biden.
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Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal.Or you can visit us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
