Deployr: Veteran Rolls Out Dating App for Deployed Service Members
by Paul J. O’Leary
September 7, 2019
CAMP ARIFJAN, KUWAIT – Jesse Heitman, a former sergeant in the famed 10th Mountain Division, now works as a defense contractor servicing computer systems in Kuwait. In his spare time, however, he is an app developer and entrepreneur. This month, he is excitedly announcing the debut of his new military dating and hook-up app called Deployr.
Deployr, Heitman told Article 107 News, is a GPS-based application that works similarly to the popular apps Tinder and Grindr, but specifically targeted at deployed war fighters. War fighters looking for a downrange companion.
“Basically,” Heitman said, “You upload a picture, unit, MOS (Military Occupational Specialty), and your gender. The app searches other profiles nearby to find the most suitable match.”
“Let’s say,” he continued, “Your unit arrives in a FOB (Forward Operating Base) in Afghanistan, but you don’t know anyone there. You just upload your profile onto the net and start the hunt. You can let your phone pick up your location or even type in a grid coordinate. It’s real user friendly.”
Soldiers and Marines who have beta tested the app have given it generally good reviews. A quick glance at the Deployr entry on a popular app store shows a variety of good and bad reviews.
11BRangerDeathMerchant said: “It was AWESOME! I was totally crushing POG [Persons Other than Grunts] ass as soon as we rolled into FOB Dagger! Not that scoring has ever been a prob for me, if you know what I mean.”
BulletSlinga504 wrote: “The app is wonky at first, but once I got a solid grid coordinate for the nearest bunker, I was in business. Hooked up two E-4s, a Staff Sergeant, and a Finance Captain. New record for me. Deployr is the shit!”
SaltySoldier69 was less enthusiastic: “This whole thing is completely unnecessary. They say this app is ‘Tinder for Downrange?’ Bro, Tinder is ‘Tinder for downrange.’ Why complicate things?”
Some critics of the Deployr app contend that the use of unit names and locations could present a security concern. Some units have even considered banning use of the application by deploying unit members, lest they end up compromised like Russian soldiers in Ukraine.
Heitman isn’t concerned. He points out the app comes with his patented OPSEC feature that works to mask the actual location from third parties and only links the locations of currently logged on members. He also highlighted another feature he called, “The FRAGO” that will allow members to enter in specific locations they are going and when to and find matches at those locations.
“If a platoon is moving from one FOB to another on, say, a convoy security mission,” Heitman told Article 107 News, “members using the app couple plan ahead up to seven days and start chatting with potential dates before they even put boots on the ground.”
With the full roll out planned for the Independence Day weekend, Heitman anticipates great success. He believes Deployr will change the way America’s warriors meet up and “get to know” each other. If the app is a success, Heitman has another product ready to debut around Christmas. Called “Dependr”, his new app is designed for married military dependents to meet new people while their spouses are deployed or on TDY.
Article 107 of the military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “False Official Statements.” As our name implies, we are a satirical site, and you shouldn’t think anything we publish is real. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does. You can follow Article 107 News on Twitter at @Article107News. If you’re looking for real news, check out our sister site The Havok Journal. Or you can follow us on Twitter at @HavokJournal.
No, the Deployr App isn’t a real thing… yet. I’m sure someone will let us know when it is.